A couple of weeks ago, Ashley let you guys in on what is *not* ok to say to a pregnant woman, and the list was long (and rightfully so). It may have left some wondering, “well, what IS ok to say to a woman that I suspect may be pregnant?” I presume most of our regular readers will already be clued in on this — mostly because you’re all reasonable people and the majority of you have been in my very wide pregnant shoes in the past. But perhaps your coworkers, extended family, and (gasp) husband are not so much in the know. And we won’t even get started with the general public (someone please just make copies of this and staple it to every telephone pole in Chattanooga).
I encourage you to share this with those not-so-brilliant members of society, hopefully before I encounter them:
“You. Look. AMAZING!” This is THE ONLY acceptable comment regarding a pregnant woman’s looks, body, size, level of put-togetherness…EV-ER. “Oh, you look tired today,” “Not feeling so well today, huh?,” “You’re really growing!” These statements make me want to throat punch people. I have a toddler, I have a full time job, I have a husband that works crazy hours, and for some reason I decided I’d start a business with my mom and sister two months ago. OF COURSE I look tired. OF COURSE I feel less than awesome. I’m SUPPOSED to be growing! Please do not feel the need to point these things out to any pregnant woman. They are true, yes, but be a daymaker and keep those things to yourself, and just tell us how ridiculously awesome we look (regardless of whether anyone believes you or not).
“Let me help you with that!” Even if we’re too stubborn to accept the offer, you should still offer (please see above re: exhaustion). Pregnant women should not have to wrestle their own case of toilet paper into the cart at Costco with their T-rex-esque arms. You should not stand by idly as your wife struggles to put her boots on over her “skinny” maternity jeans. Turning a blind eye to a woman trying to get to a jar of pickles (obviously the spicy ones) on the back of the grocery store shelf when she can’t reach them because her belly is in the way is so hateful. Help a sister out. After all, someone, at some point, was in “this condition” so that you could live your glorious life. Show some gratitude.
In my humble opinion, this is where the list stops. My friend Jessica, however, insisted that I add the following:
“Let me get you another cupcake.” Disclaimer: watch your tone with this one, and also note that if pregnant woman in question has gestational diabetes you may receive a less than appreciate response.
“Oh, we’re sorry, ma’am, it is 10:31am and we are out of chicken biscuits. But you know what? We’re going to make one for you anyway!” Disclaimer: no disclaimer except WHY would you just dump a tray of delicious biscuits into the trash at this arbitrary time of when society thinks breakfast should end?