My three-year-old son Joshua caught a nasty virus last week. He was running a fairly high fever on and off for four days, and pretty much took up residence on our couch. I don’t know how you react when your kid is so sick that it scares you a little, but I am more than willing to get my babies whatever they want – and let them watch whatever they want.
And what did my three-year-old want to watch? What else? PAW PATROL.
His Paw Patrol obsession has been going strong for about a year now. For most of that year, we had a whole two DVDs to watch, over and over and OVER again. As with many kids’ TV shows, all of this watching and re-watching just fills me with burning questions.
So here are the main questions I have about the world of Paw Patrol:
- What is the backstory? How does Ryder have an ATV, the Lookout, and a whole pack of talking puppies?
- And where are Ryder’s parents? Perhaps making insane amounts of money so Ryder can perform science experiments on canines and spend all his time rescuing people around Adventure Bay?
- P.S.: Do kids really not notice that Ryder’s voice has changed about four times? Mine sure doesn’t, or he’s too hypnotized by the show to care.
- I have to assume Ryder has done some sort of experimentation on the dogs, because WHY ARE THEY THE ONLY ANIMALS WHO TALK? All the other animals appear to understand humans, but the Paw Patrol pups are the only ones who speak English (and Spanish, in the case of Tracker). Even the Paw Patrol’s nemeses, the Kitten Catastrophe Crew, are not blessed with speech. (Just evil mews.)
- Also, it seems only the Paw Patrol dogs can drive. Why? Who lets a dog drive a car, nevertheless a police car, fire truck, helicopter, or crane?
- Who made Mayor Goodway mayor? She spends all of her time chasing around her pet chicken and can’t handle any problems by herself, instead handing them over to a 12-year-old boy and some clothed dogs. She doesn’t remember that Adventure Bay doesn’t have a basketball team, and then fills in with dogs instead of the humans who presumably do fall under her jurisdiction. On second thought, given some of the people who have been elected into positions in our country…never mind.
- Why do the pups call Ryder “sir”? He’s a kid. I realize they are young and he is older, but still…it feels very Communist to me.
- And lastly, what evil genius came up with this series? The merchandising is out of control. My three-year-old son “needs” to have three versions of every character (This one has a crane! This one has a drill! This one has a superhero mask!), the Paw Patroller, Air Patroller, Lookout, Pup Pad, and probably coming soon, a lifesize replica of all of Adventure Bay. (Let’s not even mention the Paw Patrol themed matching game, beanbag toss, Trouble game, coloring books, play dough, invisible ink, shirts, pajamas…)
Y’all, we don’t even HAVE cable for good reason. We can only watch Paw Patrol on DVDs and nickjr.com, so you would think my child wouldn’t have that much exposure to the characters and the merchandise surrounding the show. But you would be wrong. I think the evil geniuses at Nickelodeon are sneaking some hormones into our whole milk that makes three- and four-year-olds dream of anklet-wearing chickens, lighthouse-owning buffoons, and merpups.