How did I become a mom? Well, I woke up one morning and I decided I was ready to be a mom. Then boom, I was pregnant!
Yeah, that sounded good, right? But the truth is not even close.
At 17-years-old, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Pregnancy is a great thing for women with endometriosis, however getting pregnant with endometriosis can be difficult. I had a great physician and knew if anyone could help me get pregnant, he could. So, although at the time I was nowhere close to having a baby, we started “taking care of things” so that when the time came, I would be ready.
When I was younger, I had the normal “girl” dreams: find your Prince Charming, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. When I got married for the first time I was 25-years-old and thought children were next on the menu. By this point, I had already had about three surgeries due to endometriosis and was hesitant to wait too long before trying in case it didn’t happen as quickly as I hoped.
While he had three children from a previous relationship, he had told me he would have another child. So, after a year of marriage, I thought it would be a great time to get started. During our second year of marriage, I had a few more surgeries. One surgery involved having my uterus repositioned because the endometriosis had pulled it out of place. After the surgeries and months of trying, my then-husband checked out. He admitted he never wanted another child and I found out about his affair after losing my job. Let’s just say the end of 2011 and start of 2012 was not my best time.
What hurt the most was feeling I had wasted my time and at that point, fear set in: maybe becoming a mom was not in the cards for me.
During our separation, I had two more surgeries; the hardest one came right after our divorce was finalized in January 2013. By March 2013, I was heading into surgery to remove my left ovary. To say I was devastated and depressed is putting it lightly. There I was, about to turn 30, divorced and losing an ovary. I already knew that getting pregnant was going to be difficult with endometriosis, but now I had another obstacle: only one ovary. By this point, I had given up the hope of ever becoming a mom. I would sometimes say that it might happen or I could just adopt, but I thought I was just going to be the “favorite aunt” to my friends’ kids, and I would instead focus on being a single, career-driven woman. I remember walking into my best friend’s hospital room about two weeks after this surgery. She had just welcomed a beautiful baby girl and as I held her, tears ran down my face. While I was absolutely over the moon for my bestie, my heart was absolutely broken.
As I held her beautiful angel, I kept thinking that I’d never know what it is like to hold my own baby.
By the time 2014 rolled around, I was settled into single life in my 30s. But, as they say, “we make plans and God laughs.” Just as I got around to accepting the fact I would probably never be a mom, my true Prince Charming walked through the door. He had two daughters from a previous marriage, but he said he would have another one, knowing I didn’t have a child and really wanted one. After we got married in May 2014 (hey, when you know, you know!), we didn’t wait on trying.
I went to my physician who gave me Clomid to help with ovulation. However, I had to wait until my next cycle to begin taking it. So, I waited, and waited, and waited. When it didn’t come a week after it was supposed to, I took a test. I didn’t have much hope while waiting for the result to appear, but to my incredible surprise, I was pregnant! Yes, pregnant — I was actually looking at a positive pregnancy test! I was so excited, and although they tell you not to say anything until the 3rd month, I told everyone as soon as I saw the first ultrasound on June 19th, 2014.
I was a little over six weeks and I was in heaven. I was having a baby!
Sadly though, the happiness was short-lived.
While on vacation a week later, I suffered a miscarriage in a Florida emergency room and had a DNC upon returning home. While my physician said I could start trying again in a couple months, I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted that baby. I wanted my baby. I knew pregnancy would be hard, but I never, ever would have thought that once pregnant, I would lose the baby. It never occurred to me that I would suffer a miscarriage. I felt like a complete failure.
I had an appointment around the end of September/early October to see my physician to discuss plans about trying again. My husband’s birthday is in August, and that month a couple of our closest friends were taking him to the Southern Brewers Festival to celebrate. I really don’t know why, but for some reason, I wanted to take a test before I went. I was still a few days out from getting my period and I didn’t feel pregnant. However, I wanted to make sure I could drink. I ended up being the designated driver that night because I had a very faint, but positive pregnancy test. While I didn’t have the blood test confirming, after a miscarriage you don’t take any chances. I called Monday following the festival to set up an appointment and my blood work came back positive. I was pregnant again — two months later! My physician quickly put me on progesterone and we very carefully watched this beautiful child grow for the next nine months!
In April 2015, after 13 surgeries and countless tears, my rainbow baby, Easton Michael, was born.
He has brought so much joy and laughter to my life and he was definitely worth the wait. Sure, I am not as young of a mom as I hoped; by the time I had him, many of my friends were on their third pregnancy. However, every time I look at him, I know that this was His plan and His timing. Many people ask if I will have another; I was pregnant right around Easton’s first birthday, but I lost that pregnancy, too. I always told God if He would just help me have one, I wouldn’t complain and I would be happy. Plus, I have two beautiful bonus daughters, so I do have the three children I dreamed about.