When I first heard the phrase, “When the lights go down,” I’d always also hear the lyrics below from Faith Hill’s song. However, this song came out before I became a mother. Now that I am a mom, these words have a new meaning. Maybe to you, as well?
“When the lights go down and there’s nothing left to be;
When the lights go down and the truth is all you see;
When you feel that hole inside your soul;
And wonder what you’re made of;
Well we all find out;
When the lights go down.” – Faith Hill
When the lights go down, I am thankful.
I am thankful we all made it through another day. No matter how smooth or how rough the day might have been, we all made it. We are safe in our beds, and we conquered whatever obstacles came our way.
I am grateful that we made it to this point. There are people who may have lost a loved one before the lights went down, so I am grateful for each day that ends with my family safely in bed. They can rest to conquer another day!
When the lights go down, I am tired.
I am both emotionally and physically drained. Whether it is from working so much or taking my children where they need to be, my body and my mind are just drained. Each day I go to bed saying to myself that tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be the day I set things in motion where I am not left drained emotionally and physically, but it all starts and ends the same.
However, maybe tomorrow things will be different? Maybe tomorrow I will be better at choosing my words with my children? Maybe tomorrow I will be better at showing my husband how grateful I am for him and everything he does for our family? Maybe tomorrow I will not just meet, but also get ahead of my deadlines at work? Maybe.
When the lights go down, I am anxious.
Why? Because, I relive the day — every moment of it. While I should be clearing my mind for a good night of rest, I am giving myself probably more anxiety than anything. See, when the lights go down, and I am left with only the quietness, my thoughts go back to how I should have handled the day differently. What should have I said? Not said? Done? Not done?
Most of these thoughts go back to how I was a wife and mother rather than with my career, which I guess is a little crazy. But I feel more confident in my ability to perform well in my career than I do at motherhood and being a wife. This is where I am nervous.
When the lights go down, I am hopeful.
I am hopeful that no matter what occurred during the day, tomorrow is a new day to get it right. A new day means new possibilities. Tomorrow is the day I can improve my attitude towards life. I can smile more and cry less. I can learn from the mistakes of today and I can be better tomorrow. I can be the attentive wife I want to be to my husband. I can be the fun mom I want to be to my kids. I can be the better writer to my clients. I can be whatever I put my mind to for the day.